Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
