she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
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