But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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