I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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