you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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