I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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