Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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