Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
