i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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