The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
