I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize