do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
