U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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