Quick, to the slutcave!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
