I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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