Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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