he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
