i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize