you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
