Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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