I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
