We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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