Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
