Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
