I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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