i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
