So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
