Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
