I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
