Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
