Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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