I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
