It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
