i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
