then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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