Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
