Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
