she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So vagazzling was a success
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
