You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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