Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
