remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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