he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
