I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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