Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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