I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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