That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
