mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
