Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
