Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
