Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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