Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
