oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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