She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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