All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
