1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
