I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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