so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
