I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
