Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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