toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
