i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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