i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
