I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
