Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
