Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
