you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
