i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
