so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
