I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
