you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize