i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize