Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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