if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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