I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
